How to Taser a Rooster

 

How to Taser a Rooster

23/05/2013

I have been on every search engine trying to find guidelines for “How to Taser a Rooster.” Not even e-help had directions.  I really need to find out how far, is a safe distance, to be from a sizzling cock.  Tasering a rooster is not to be taken lightly.

I bet you are saying to yourself  ”What the hell!”  So let me back up a day or two.

Friends, Mary Ann & Steve were in Crucita for a couple of weeks.   They live in Florida and have great plans for their future in Crucita. This is where the story begins.  Mary Ann is a hoot and husband Steve has a special bond with our  youngest child so, we are like family.  And you know, you are always willing to help family.

There’s a tall condo at the end of the South beach. Beautiful palm trees are growing out front, sparkling pool to the side, fabulous vistas from the condo and THE ROOSTER.   This is where our family is staying.  A few days after their arrival Mary Ann mentions: I am so tired; I have been up every night for several hours.  WHY? I’m thinking maybe Steve has something to do with it.   Well to my surprise it’s a rooster.

THE ROOSTER is a confused good for nothing or else he wants to get an early start; who knows why they act like that.  Well any way, he gets up at 3:30 in morning and starts with the cock-a doodle-do.  I guess he doesn’t know girls need their beauty sleep.  Mary Ann is being waked every morning at 3:30, and I’m just relieved it’s not Steve. 

I’m sorry they are crowed awake at that hour and selfishly think yikes I’m glad it’s not me.  I also know if it was Gary he would think it was an opportunity of some sort, so we need to get this rooster thing under control before we move to the South beach. 

Several days later there is no relief in sight for the family.  Steve is lurking in the shadows of the balcony.  His job is to find the offender at any cost.  Alas, he is only met with darkness and the reverberation of the cock-a- doodle-dos.  We have decided sound travels up.  It must be a trade off for being above ground level. 

Now, if you’ve never been to the South beach in Crucita you wouldn’t know, but we have quite a few good for nothing roosters.

I have been witness to the bully next door.  He was stalking a young boy and when the mood strikes he tears off after this little guy.  The unsuspecting child spots him coming and starts running for his life.  The boy is yelling, the rooster is squawking, the dogs are barking and I’m thinking yikes, glad it’s not me.  Now it’s not because I don’t have compassion, it’s that I can’t run and yell at the same time as heading down the beach.  Wouldn’t that be a sight; a fluffy Gringo hoofing it down the beach, being chased by a good for nothing!  Living next door to this feathery beast I try to be friendly.   I tell him from a safe distance, in the car, with the window down, how special he is.  “You are such a handsome guy look at all those feathers.”  Now, that isn’t the truth, because his legs are pretty ugly.  One leg has feathers around the ankle, only not like real feathers.  They look like an art project gone wrong, some this way and some that way.  The feathers look like they were put on with hot glue and will be falling off at any moment, but I tell him he’s purdy knowing all the time I’m lying. It serves him right for chasing the kid.

A little further down the lane live several more of these good for nothings, so it is difficult, as Steve pointed out, to know who is doing the doodle at 3:30. 

We looked for sleeping pills for Mary Ann, but the Tylenol PM was gone from the medicine cabinet.  She was so sad.  I knew I had let family down and now, on my shoulders, fell the responsibility to find the offender.   I am not sure how to help so I think hum, we’ll leave it for next time.   Then from out of nowhere Steve has the answer!  They have left us their Taser gun.  Mary Ann and Steve have never used it, but are quick to encourage us to dig it from the red suitcase.   Fondle it, get to know its strengths and let it be your friend.  I think they want the problem gone before they return in September.  Do these things come with batteries?  Can they get my fingerprints of this thing? I’m wondering if there is safety class for Tasers!

After they leave, Gary and I discuss the ramifications of Tasering a neighbor’s rooster.  That is why I was looking for directions on the web.  Well, not finding any has led me to believe it may not be a good idea to Taser the good for nothing. 

Mary Ann & Steve, please bring ear plugs.

It’s a beautiful life!

.PS.  I went to take a picture of the good for nothing next door but he is no where to be seen.  Think someone else has a Taser?  

 

 I did however find a picture I thought you would enjoy!